I felt that something is missing in between. You finished the poem too soon (my personal opinion). It would have been much better (it is still better than 90% of modern hindi/urdu poems) if you could have just added 4 more lines.
Criticality speaking, this poem slightly lacks the soul you put in your english poems. It is a bit dull. However the rhythm is excellent . Also but I like it..
Also you can use Google indic transliteration. You will type in Roman (as you did in this post) and it will appear in Devnagari script. ;)
तलाश कर रहीं हूँ अँधेरा है, नमी भी | टटोलती हूँ कुछ ख़ास मिलता भी है, फिसलता भी |
कभी जागी रहती है वो आस कभी सोई सोई सी | अब सोचती हूँ रुक जाऊँ शायद थक गई हूँ |
i knew that the poem is complete. ;-) ..was just adding another perception. The perceptions sometimes add new dimensions of imagination.
One good example is Saket by Maithili Sharan Gupta. Even though Ramcharit Manas was there (and perhaps the part of almost every hindi speaking Hindu household) Guptji narrated the great epic in his own way and created history. No one (even Tulsidas) has described Kakeyi as Guptji did..
It is just my habit of changing glasses and view things in different colour. Otherwise I have always been an admirer of your creativity.
Thanks Anony225 (Though wonder why you hate your name so much:)
U can surf the blog..for earlier posts.."moolah musing" is the kind of poem you asked if i write..
And i agree with the different perspectives point..
Havent read Saket..though have read much about it..if you like Maithliji's work..read Swapna-vasavadatta...he has translated this play by Bhasa..What I like about it is that he has described it to mean and feel just the way Bhasa intended it in Sanskrit
Swapna-Vasavadatta is an amazing play. I read it when I was a child (I read the Sanskrit one though, but now my command over language is not that good). In fact Megha-dootam (by Kalidas) and Swapna-vasavadatta are in my opinion among the best in the world. The way Bhasa describes Udayan's story is really touching and gives the indication of the creative depth of the man.
Another good Sanskrit literature is Katha-Saritsagara. In it, Somdev (the author) narrates the story with the help of stories (infact story inside story inside story inside story). Awesome piece of work. And every story is better than the previous one (Mind you, this book is addictive and I almost screwed up my exams).
12 comments:
Um...no, I didn't like this poem. It kind of seems incomplete, and too prosaic. You can do much better, I believe.
Thodi der rukiye
Phir chale chaliye
Aap chalengee toh waqt chalega
Jo talaash hai
Woh mil gaya toh
Phir aap kahaan aur waqt kahaan
(ulp) that was my weak attempt at hindi. Now, in English. I don't remember how I came across your blog. I like it. :)
thank you..i appreciate the attempt at hindi and more so the idea behind it..
Midlife crisis??
Cheer up
Nice poem btw :)
Cheers
CRD
hmmm... when are you going to finish the poem??? ;)
it seems to be a good beginning (though I have a firm belief that you are much better in English)...
Anonymous:-)
Why do u think its incomplete?
And i think so too, that i am better in English!
"tatolti hoon kuch khaas
milta hai fisalta bhi"
"Ab sochti hoon ruk jaun
shayad thak gayi hoon"
I felt that something is missing in between. You finished the poem too soon (my personal opinion). It would have been much better (it is still better than 90% of modern hindi/urdu poems) if you could have just added 4 more lines.
Criticality speaking, this poem slightly lacks the soul you put in your english poems. It is a bit dull. However the rhythm is excellent . Also but I like it..
Also you can use Google indic transliteration. You will type in Roman (as you did in this post) and it will appear in Devnagari script. ;)
तलाश कर रहीं हूँ
अँधेरा है, नमी भी |
टटोलती हूँ कुछ ख़ास
मिलता भी है, फिसलता भी |
कभी जागी रहती है वो आस
कभी सोई सोई सी |
अब सोचती हूँ रुक जाऊँ
शायद थक गई हूँ |
what name do i know u by..besides "anonymous"?
कभी जागी रहती है वो आस
कभी सोई सोई सी |
The above lines are not me..but thanks for giving the poem so much thought:)(i mean it in a very non-sarcastic way..:-))
The poem seems complete to me..it just means to say that i have tried searching for the elusive and now I am tired....for the time being..
Not that I disagree to your opinion on it..just that..it could have varied and subjective interpretations..
thanks for stopping by...
hahahah..
i knew that the poem is complete. ;-) ..was just adding another perception. The perceptions sometimes add new dimensions of imagination.
One good example is Saket by Maithili Sharan Gupta. Even though Ramcharit Manas was there (and perhaps the part of almost every hindi speaking Hindu household) Guptji narrated the great epic in his own way and created history. No one (even Tulsidas) has described Kakeyi as Guptji did..
It is just my habit of changing glasses and view things in different colour. Otherwise I have always been an admirer of your creativity.
Just call me Anony225 ;-)
Thanks Anony225 (Though wonder why you hate your name so much:)
U can surf the blog..for earlier posts.."moolah musing" is the kind of poem you asked if i write..
And i agree with the different perspectives point..
Havent read Saket..though have read much about it..if you like Maithliji's work..read Swapna-vasavadatta...he has translated this play by Bhasa..What I like about it is that he has described it to mean and feel just the way Bhasa intended it in Sanskrit
Swapna-Vasavadatta is an amazing play. I read it when I was a child (I read the Sanskrit one though, but now my command over language is not that good). In fact Megha-dootam (by Kalidas) and Swapna-vasavadatta are in my opinion among the best in the world. The way Bhasa describes Udayan's story is really touching and gives the indication of the creative depth of the man.
Another good Sanskrit literature is Katha-Saritsagara. In it, Somdev (the author) narrates the story with the help of stories (infact story inside story inside story inside story). Awesome piece of work. And every story is better than the previous one (Mind you, this book is addictive and I almost screwed up my exams).
I will go through Moolah musing soon.
Anony-225
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