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Being original is impossible when everything's already been done.
Pointing it out way more than necessary to someone who's completely fucking numb.
They're deaf to your words and blind to the world, but aren't we all.
Stop for a second and look at your own flaws,
like one who mocks trends but follows them like their own personal god.

Talking of how you care as you're forcing the overdose,
like a child who's ripping the head off of its doll
and later cries for something so broken.

I'll need more than superglue here though
Oops, here's another cliche and now it's gone
because I sniffed it all.

I'm shooting up these drugs with one hand
and slitting my wrists with the other one
wondering which will kill me first and how I can tell.
Will anyone even notice when I'm gone? You know I'm just so invisible.
The whole time I'm laughing my ass off,
maybe it was from that bottle of cough medicine I stole earlier. I guess it hasn't worn off.

Everyone's fucking like rockstars, no porn stars
while the girls in stilettos keep running to the bathroom stalls to
throw up their glittering lunch from yesterday and to shoot glittering morphine into their glittering veins. Maybe it's just glittering cocaine.

I think I've covered it all.
Is there anything else that you think is too overdone?

here
glitter, morphine, stars, sun, 11:11, Alice, cocaine, syringes, lines, razorblades, veins, crimson blood, kiss me, fuck me, throw up, fuck up, lol, skinny models, dolls, hell, love, hate, pain, suicide, death, murder, emo, stilettos,

oh and me as well
with my thoughts coming off an assembly line


Fuck it,
let's throw the whole dictionary in there
and set it on fire
like a glittering funeral pyre

Jodha Akbar-A Review

Cutting a long story short, I found Ashutosh Gowariker’s interpretation of a historical love story, Jodhaa Akbar, to be just an average Joe’s flick. Attention worthy only in certain bits and pieces, otherwise a tad too boring and bloody hell too long.

On the positive side; the leading pair has given a decent performance and needless to say, Hrithik Roshan (despite the flaring nostrils) & Aishwarya Rai Bachchan both look nothing less than a priceless work of art.

Now moving on the lighter side; here are some (bizarre but related) thoughts which in many ways helped me stay glued to the cinema seat in the otherwise tiresome film.

*Warning – Spoilers ahead, so stop here if you ain’t the spoiler reading kind.


1. If you have grown up reading Tinkle Comics, then you are bound to relate to many characters in the film – be it name wise (example, Todar Mal & Mullah Do Pyaaza) or look wise (example, a perfectly round bellied dukandar with the trademark miser tattooed on his forehead).

2. For some reason, I kept thinking“Where’s Birbal re?” practically the entire film.

3. Bad Foreplay – the picturization of “In Lamhon Ke Daaman Mein” song. No offence, agreed it was aesthetically beautiful but definitely not practically viable. For example,

- Lover boy standing behind Lover girl, both with their eyes closed and ridiculously horny expressions on their faces for almost 120 seconds.

- Lover boy smelling Lover girl’s skull hair and Lover girl sniffing Lover boy’s chest hair (Now I really don’t understand the pleasure in doing this).

- The done-to-death, “You can fly” Titanic scene – Lover Boy (again) standing behind Love Girl, both with their hands stretched out. I mean seriously, this is just so passé.

(In case you are wondering, yes I too am a romantic at heart but I also believe in action.)

3. To Make A Failing Marriage Work – Couples should devote at least an hour a week on sword-fight sessions.
- Quality time spent together.

- And in case, it’s seriously not working you have a perfect alibi for murder.

4. Ekta Kapoor would be so proud of Maham Anga (evil mother-in-law) and equally disappointed in Mallika Hamida Banu (devi saman mother-in-law).

5. Sajan beemar aur Sajni bhage prabhu ke dwar. Phir ek raat ki baat aur Sajan back in full avatar – So darn typical of Bollywood films, I tell ya.

6. There were moments where I felt the leading pair were about to get jiggy on "Dhoom machale dhoom".

And last but certainly not the least (I am suppose to be working yaar)…..

7. War soldiers – No exaggeration here but seriously, an 11 year old will play Dandiya Raas more rigorously than Mr. Gowariker’s army dudes.

For the peace of my mind!

The only intent of writing this piece is to distract myself from a certain war that is raging within.It is ironic how one keeps feeding on the very things that are leading to a miserable state of mind.A certain level of masochism always prevails,leading to sympathy for self,followed by tears,that in turn followed by self counseling which in the end leads to the psychobabble that i am writing about.

In the past i have obseved that in relation to the self,the things that affect it the most are the ones that are paid attention to.What is most interesting about this is that whether the relation is a positive or a negative one is immaterial.So one might be humiliated to the extreme by a cause and yet devote all the time and mindspace just to that.This in itself is a viscious circle,the output always being loss of self esteem.

Now one might wonder why on earth am i going on and on about this dreary subject.Well,the answer is simple my friend.Analysing a trouble to its shreds might not ward it away,but it definitely makes it look less troublesome!So Socrates and Plato had the most troubled lives,but poor creatures never realised it because they never saw the trouble as a whole.It was always such a microscopic view of the problem that it led to its percieved oversimplification.

Let us take an example:You are pissed about the fact that your relationship/s suck/s.Now if you were to look at this as a whole,it might mean the end of the world or atleast the current peace of mind and the most disastrous thing-self blame.But lets analyse the problem.Relationships are what?The way two people relate to each other.Which in essance means the way one person relates to the other person's likes,dislikes,habits,past,present and more.Which means,it takes two people to relate to each others' very complex set of affairs.This in turn means that even if one person fails to relate to even one very important aspect of another's being,it will lead to issues.Since the probability of this happening is so high,blaming the self or the other is of no consequence since relationships in themselves are a very tricky affair to handle.

There you see,in those few lines,i have absolved the person who screwed up with your happiness(so you might be at peace since as i said before the dedication to a cause leads to more troubles than the cause itself ).I have also absolved you of any guilt that you might feel for the disastrous relationship because in the end it takes two people to make a relationship work(am sure that statement must have been pronounced a million times and so must be true).

Ok.The objective of this disaster has been satisfied..am feeling better.

Clueless...

Seething with insanity,
Unseeing,filled with repulsion.
Lost,groping within.
Dead,in the effort to not feel.

Not that i deserve this
Not that i called for it
Except that the "it"is what i want the most
The "it" is what i fear the most.

The "it" is what i lose my sleep over
The "it" is what i am clueless about!
Clueless!
Pathetically Clueless!!

This and that

Its not often that i am clueless.And happy.
Its not often that i drift at whim.Here and There.
Its not often that i amuse myself with random things.This and that.

Its not often that i goof up.And not embarassed
Its not often that i sleepwalk through the day.And not unaware.
Its not often that i begin to write without a muse.And not unenthused.

Its not often that i am happy without specifics.
Its not often that i am myself without the props.
Its not often that i feel alive even with this and that

The Irk

Its odd,that i feel this way..
Worse,i think it too.
That something i can't voice..
That something i can't put my finger on.

Reasons are but poor company...
They vanish half way through the predicament.
I try looking beyond me...
Its another matter that there is no point there.

Suffices to say,i know what is next..
That there is nothing to be content with.
Halts are mere matters of amusement..
I stay a little longer,and there it returns.

Looking back,or ahead,or now...
Not much has changed.
I do mop the shreds of disappointment...
On some days vigrously,on others by habit.

Not that i am weary,or saddened...
I am as i have been for long.
Tried remembering myself before it became so long...
A whiff of what could be smotherd what had been.

Now,i don't mull over it so much...
I have accepted it,as i accepted the facade.
But the irk remains...
The irk,beyond reason,but the only truth.

you will be alright

Ever thought why that word keeps haunting you...
Even when you know its been long dead and buried next to that memory!

Ever thought why you still linger on those pages....
Even when they are blank and yellowed with stains of those tears!

Ever thought why you smile at that song...
Even when you know that its the same melody that was playing when u stopped feeling that night!

Ever thought why that hurt and pain now give you joy...
Even when it killed you that day and you shudder at that reminder!

Let me tell you why...
Its in those words and pages,that smile and pain that you found the will to go on...
To close those windows to misery and bury those moments in the past...
To feel alive again and to know that if ever this happened again....you will be alright!